Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dog Dream

My mom and I were standing in our living room and talking about going to Petsmart to get stuff for our dogs. Neither of us had time to go, so we turned to our little dachshund/chihuahua Trixie and said, "Ok Trix, why don't we just give you the car keys and the credit card and you go buy yourself something nice."

So she left with the car, and after a while she came back with nothing. And I said, "Trixie, you had the credit card! Why in the world didn't you buy anything!"

And then my mom and I realized we were being ridiculous. "She's a dog" we said. "She can't carry stuff in by herself!" (Not "she can't drive" or "she can't use a credit card" but "she can't carry stuff in"). So we went out to the car and, sure enough, the backseat was full to the brim with dog food, treats, and toys.

I later had a dream in which Trixie was smoking and dancing to Billy Joel music.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A.D.D. Dream

Ok, so I lied in my last post. I will not be discussing the "where are my pants" dreams just yet. Instead I wanted to tell you all about a recent dream that all but overwhelms me. So much happened in one night, I don't even know how to handle it.

I cut a guy's dreadlocks off so that I could give one to everyone in the world for hope. Everyone in the world was going to get a dreadlock from one guy. That's crazy.

And then the dream changed, and I was telling someone about the previous dream. It's possible that I woke up briefly, thought, "I should remember this" and my subconscious strove to do just that by having a second dream about the same thing.

And then the dream changed again, and I was watching Jane Austen's life. In my dream she had been married, and her husband died. His ghost would visit every now and then, so they were able to stay together. But then another ghost came into the picture, and Jane Austen had an affair with him. Her husband didn't mind that so much, but then she decided to paint the house that they had lived in, and that made him mad so he never visited her again.

And then the dream changed and I was telling someone about the Jane Austen dream.

And then the dream changed again, and my sister was going to be on a beach volleyball game show with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't remember much about this, but I do remember making jokes about hairballs. I have no idea what that has to do with anything.

And then the dream changed again, and I was telling my sister about the game show. And I remember telling her that she could sleep at my apartment if hers was too cold or something. Apparently my dream self didn't know we live in different states.

And then the dream changed for a final time and my fiance and I were playing some sort of hide-and-seek game where he was Darth Vader and I was the Phantom of the Opera.

I woke up exhausted and decided never again to write a paper for my Jane Austen class right before bed.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Recurring Themes

The closest thing I've ever had to a recurring dream, I had when I was about 10. I only had the dream twice, and even then it had some differences, so I'm not really sure it counts. The first time I had this dream, I was riding my bike down the street, and I was kidnapped and kept in someone's garage. The second time I had this dream, I was rollerblading down the street, and I was kidnapped and kept in someone's garage. It wasn't a particularly exciting dream either time. I always got away at the very end.

What I have just recently realized that I have are recurring themes in my dreams, the most prominent of which being nudity or partial nudity. One partially nude dream that I have quite often is what I like to call the "a-little-too-public toilet dream."

Sometimes the toilet is in the middle of a classroom. It's the only toilet there, I'm sitting on it, and a professor is in the middle of teaching. No one notices that I'm on a toilet with my pants down, but I know that as soon as I stand up, they will. I'm tired of sitting on the toilet, though, and I really want to stand up. Dilemma.

Sometimes the toilet is one of many in a unisex public bathroom with no stalls. I'm peeing next to a pregnant woman in a bikini who keeps talking about how she wants to drive with me Greece, in my car that has just morphed into a sheep that vomits streamers. There are many dilemmas in this dream, and surprisingly the fact that I'm peeing in public is not one of them.

Stay tuned for my next entry, where I plan to delve into my "where'd my pants go" dreams.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Man with All the Answers

I've decided to start a blog, and I must start my first post with that obligatory statement. You know I decided to start a blog, obviously, because this blog exists, and you are reading it. And yet I cannot stop myself from writing this "duh" paragraph. I kinda hate myself for it.

Anyway, I've decided to start a blog combining two of my favorite things: quotes from musicals ("I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables - shame on you if you didn't know that) and my actual weird dreams. It should be interesting, and it might get graphic.

To start out with, I'd like to tell you a dream that I had about a year ago. I call it "The Man with All the Answers."

I was running down the street (do you like my dream font?) after a powder blue Prius, because I knew that in that Prius was the man with all the answers. I had some questions, so it was imperative that I catch him. Suddenly, a bunch of cop cars flooded out of the side streets and swarmed around the man with all the answers. I panicked, because obviously the man with all the answers was in trouble, and I didn't want to be in trouble by association, so I ducked down a side street to hide between an 18-wheeler and a pregnant cow. And then I watched as the cops surrounded the Prius and shot the man with all the answers. Distraught and knowing I would never have any of my questions answered, I averted my eyes just in time to watch the cow give birth to kittens. Just another question to which I would never know the answer.